Four Months and Eleven Days Later: A Mourning Continues

July 7, 2007, or 7-7-7, a unique date and lucky day for many. Vegas chapels were booked up and gamblers across the world wondered if this day would bring them greater luck in their elusive chase for that pot of gold.

But for our family, and our community, it became a day of sudden tragedy. Car accidents are not respecters of people or of auspicious dates. Death has no conscience. Bad things happen to good women no matter how much they love their families or live uprightly.

It's been four months and eleven days since July 7, 2007, since that terrible phone call that slammed me and my family like a tsunami wave. Barely into the new grief of my father's passing, who had been sick for many years, Janene and little Abigail's deaths came within days of his funeral.

I have never written nor given a eulogy, or words for someone who has passed. In a matter of weeks I gave two. I posted the one for my father last summer. Today, while gathering together some things for my "Janene and Abigail remembrance box" I found the copy of what I spoke at their service.

Mourning continues. I am told it will likely continue off and on for a good, long while. I accept it on some days, but on many days I stay busy to distract myself from the pain of the hole in my heart.

Janene's family is adjusting. Chris is learning the ropes of being a single dad. I've always had a warm relationship with him. My respect for for him grows deeper as I see him shelter his kids with love and care, all the while discovering how to do life without Janene or Abigail. Remember him in your prayers.

Here are my words from the service:

Janene was my friend. For ten years I have had the honor of knowing her. We met when our kids were little. As they grew, so did the friendship between our families. Over time, Janene and I became embedded into one another's lives. We picked each other's kids up, we carpooled together, we often enjoyed spontaneous meals and visits in each other's homes. We had begun working out at Curves together. Countless hours of talking together about the nitty gritty details of life, like what was on sale at Freddies that day or what happened on American Idol last night.

We also talked, so many times, about our kids and marriages and our faith in Christ. Her desire was to be the best mom and wife she could. She was committed to her kids, faithful to her husband, true to her friends, and obsessed with parades...

Every Rose Festival season Janene would plan for the parades. She was either in them or at them. She often took my kids along with her own kids. I've gone to a few parades with her over the years. At first it was kind of embarrassing. She would yell really loud at the bands that marched by, "Play us a song!" She would shout and clap her hands whether or not anybody else did. This was new to me. I was usually a quiet observer at parades. But Janene livened things up so much that at the last parade I attended, in St. Johns, I was the one shouting at her when she paraded by me with her Girl Scouts.

Janene loved life. She loved having fun.

Author, Robert Louis Stevenson said this about friendship:

We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.

That's what Janene was to me, that rare kind of friend that comes along only a few times in life.

Janene knew all my weirdnesses and loved me anyway. She has seen me at some of my lowest and weakest moments, and accepted me with kindness and respect. She has been one of my most honest friends. Someone I could be my true self with.

I will miss her. I will miss her phone calls and drive-by stopovers at my house. I will miss our long, rambly conversations. I will miss her laugh, her way of teasing me and the kids around us. I will miss seeing her love on her family and serve in her community.

And I will miss Abigail, the surprise blessing of her life. Abigail went everywhere with Janene. The last time we spent time together was on a hot summer day playing at the river. Abigail kept busy slamming down her hands in the water and splashing everybody around her. This is my last memory of Abigail and I am in wonder that she is gone.

Our entire family is devastated by their sudden passing. But we know with all of our hearts that Abigail and Janene are in the safe presence of God, who is loving and kind. I do not understand the mystery of life and death, of why some die early, or so tragically, but I do know that while I mourn and cry, Janene and Abigail are in that joyful place that we call heaven.

And I can imagine, when I close my eyes and quiet my mind, that Janene together with Abigail, are standing on the streets of gold. And there's a procession, a parade of angels welcoming them home. And I hear Janene shouting at those parading angels, "Play us a song!"

She was my friend. I will miss her...