Love is an Orientation : A Book Review

My good friends Len and Fran Means gave me a copy of this book last year, Love is an Orientation by Andrew Marin.  It's a Christian book about bridging the gap between the gay community and the evangelical community. Ambitious, yes,  but also refreshing. Refreshing in that it is well written. Solid writing with a clear message, uncluttered of sentimentality or dutiful piety. Marin has provided a perspective of reconciliation between two of the most polarized communities in America. He does this effectively because he not only offers a book with 200 pages of How and Why to Be Nice to People Who Aren't Straight, but he tells his story.  His story is the heart and soul of the book. 

Marin is an admitted former homophobe. A number of years ago he found out in a short period of time that his three closest friends were gay (two of them lesbian and one homosexual). This turned this white, athletic alpha male's world inside out as his judgments against the gay community became suddenly upclose and personal. 

When I was handed the book I right away thought, oh good, here's a brave evangelical who's come out to affirm homosexuality as a God-breathed sexual orientation. I wonder how he managed to get a Christian publisher? But before I finished reading Brian McLaren's wonderful forward,  I realized that Marin wasn't going to tell me that. Nor was he going to tell me that being gay (or anything else besides hetero) put you on the hellbound glory train. McLaren rightly said that some readers would feel that Marin went too far in his acceptance of gays while others would feel he didn't go far enough (that would be me). Yet Marin sticks to his guns and refuses to "take sides." He keeps focused on the message of Love and the Person of Love. Marin is a Christ follower and for this he unapologetically and freely espouses. But he doesn't use traditional Christian beliefs to divide and conquer. He emits a message of depth, breadth and width that asserts, Love is an Orientation.

I had a chance to attend a living room discussion with Andrew last week. The host and his family graciously invited dozens of people to their home. Andrew told his story with the zeal and fury of a Pentecostal preacher on an Easter Sunday to a packed church hall. The story he told was consistent with everything I remembered from his book. He told more details about his three friends coming out to him, and though I'm sure he's retold it many times over, he was a true story teller and effectively brought us into the narrative.

After 45 minutes or so, he opened it up for a Q and R (questions and responses). It was a polite discussion with pleasant questions asked. But something began to simmer inside of me as I sat back and listened to him handle one question that briefly addressed the issue of silence.

Silence. In the evangelical world of seminaries, denominations, churches, publishers, etc... there remains a viable threat to one's livelihood if one's belief's should enter a perceived  deviation. Silence is safer if your mortgage is dependent on your vocation and your vocation is dependent on a system of beliefs that has no room for reconcilatory talks with the gay community. Andrew had so sympathy for those vocational workers who choose silence to protect their livelihood. And though I actually agree with him on this point, it cannot go unchallenged when there are many good men and women who choose discretion about their personal views for all kinds of reasons. Andrew has not had to face this kind of dilemma. It is admirable and notable that as a young man in his early twenties that he saved his money from a lucrative career as start-up money for his foundation (www.marinfoundation.org)
and yes, he did walk away from said lucrative career when he felt inspired by divine guidance to finally launch his foundation's work. In his case it was his own decision to take such financial and ministerial risks. For many others, going brazenly public with sympathy or support for same-sex couples is to open a Pandora's box of controversy, scrutiny as well as potential expulsion from one's faith community that has kept the lights on and the rent paid.

I appreciated Andrew's wife, Brenda, and the wisdom she shed on this issue of silence. "Starting out with small conversations is sometimes the best way to go," she offered. 

Silent or not, the reconcilatory work that Andrew, his wife and his foundation and book are all targeting is the historical antagonism between the gay and evangelical community. Love is an Orientation is a wonderful read with a gracious tone that refuses to polarize people, gay or straight. If you love someone who is gay and your a Christian who feels conflicted how to relate to your gay friend(s) or relatives, Love is an Orientation just might be the book for you. Or if you are gay and need a resource to help bridge misunderstanding and fearfulness for someone in your life, this book is that resource.

I liked this book's message and it's messenger. Total real deal. Go check it out.

***for previous posts I've written about my changing views concerning same-sex attractions, click HERE to go to my archived "Sex Stories" category.