What Would Jesus Study?

I am 46-years old and I finally started a university education. I am nearly to the end of my first term and will have earned my first seven credits!  I have taken introduction classes needed for a liberal arts degree, but I am undecided about a major.

The school I am at, Marylhurst University, offers an interdisciplinary degree where a student may combine concentrations of study. It's like a customized degree which  I like the idea of very much. If I pursue an ID degree I'd like my concentrations to be communications, journalism and either cultural studies or religious studies.

But...

Oh, how I hate to bring up the Big But...

Marylhurst is wonderful school, but it is expensive. I had high hopes of securing scholarships and have earnestly been looking and applying. But there is not quite the resources readily available as one would think for a middle-income woman with a stable marriage. So, unless I can find that elusive pot of scholarship money I will need to change schools in the fall. I'm already looking at Portland State University which costs about a third less than MU.

PSU offers degrees in communications. This might be the route for me. I'm not sure.

I have been asking God my entire adult life, "What is my mission? Give me my job description?" At different seasons of my life I have felt a strong attachment to the thing in front of me (like missions when I lived in Asia) but then life moves me along and I find myself living a rather common narrative.

I meet people from time to time who seem to live an uncommon life. They have a clear mandate of what their life work is. Like the domestic violence educator I once heard speak. She survived an abusive marriage and now she helps other women and she also helps educated the community about the urgency of domestic violence. She is passionate, articulate and stays on her mission.

Last week I heard Andrew Marin speak. Andrew is the founder of an organization that is focused on reconciliation between the gay community and the evangelical community. He lives in one of the "gayest" neighborhoods in America (Boystown, Chicago) and he devotes his time and talents to this one thing. It is his life's mission.

Then I think about my friends Denie, Ken and Jessica. They pour their lives into the homeless of their communities. This is their passion and their life's message. They are each inspiring and I wish I had the kind of conviction of such a difficult call as they do.

So what about me? I have taken career tests, I have prayed, I have discussed and mulled over and prayed again. At age 46 I'm no closer to having the assignment of a lifetime than I did when I was 26. And I wonder, are most people like me and this is just how it is? Or are we meant to discover that singular purpose that propels our lives from the commons to uncommon living?

These questions are being revisited in my life as I determine what to study next term and the term after that. I wish I had a divine directive for my life, something tangible that would become the plumbline of what courses to take, of what degree to earn.

Sometimes I'll play out this fantasy in my head. It goes something like this:

Jesus:  Hi Pam.

Pam:  Well hi there Lord. What brings you by?

Jesus:  I know you've been thinking and praying a lot about what to study. I came by to give you some help.

Pam: That is so great!  I've been waiting for you to show up and tell me what to do. I'm so conflicted which path to follow. Writing? Religious studies? International studies? Asian studies? It's hard to decide and to know what's best for my future and my family's future. 

Jesus:  I know you take this very serious and I appreciate that.

Pam: Oh good. So, what will it be then. Which path am I to take? What kind of degree ought I to get for the life mission you have for me?

Jesus:  Well, you're not gonna like hearing this, but I came by to ask you the same question. I am not going to tell you what to study or what mission in life to possess.  I've decided that you need to be the one to make those decisions. I am giving you total access to which ever path you decide upon.

Pam:  What? Me decide? But what if I make the wrong decision? What if I waste all this time and money and go down a path that is a dead end? I can't afford to make such a serious misstep!

Jesus:  Trust yourself Pam. I trust you. You'll be fine. Just pick one and go for it. I'll watch your back for ya. If you're screwing up, I'll get a message to you to.

Pam:  I'd really like you to just tell me what to do with my life!

Jesus:  Nope. Not gonna happen. It's on you. Just live out what I've put in that heart and mind of yours.

Pam:  So just go for it? Pick a pathway of study and just like that, do it?: No matter what?

Jesus:  Totally.  Just go the way that seems right to you. I gave you some instincts and intellect. Use them to guide you. You'll be fine. I'll catch ya later.

days later...

Pam:   (staring at destination sign with arrows pointing 10 different directions) Which way to go?  Just pick....


So, there it is. My little daydream of the Divine One indicating that there will be no dramatic guidance system showing me his great plan for my life. It's on me. Me. Ugh. I can barely manage to decide what to make for dinner let alone make an educational plan!

What should I study?  I'll let you know as I let me know. One term at a time.